Freedom = Irresponsible?

Has freedom ever been being irresponsible? Abandonment? Rebellion? Freedom, is never any one of all of these…

Freedom IS responsibility – to myself and to the universe and all that nature created around me, for me and from me. Does my life have to depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed on me? Heck, NO! Freedom means I am unobstructed in living my life as I choose. Nothing stops me, ANYMORE! Anything less for me is a form of slavery. Reminds me of this quote by Benjamin Franklin “Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one.” Dreams, aspirations, and ideals mean nothing, if one does not have the freedom to pursue them.

Freedom for me is when my spirit soars high despite all the limitations society and life imposes on me. Freedom for me is when I still wander being amidst a chaotic crowd in the city. Freedom for me is to lose myself in being responsible, in making that meal for my loved ones, in the running around to make a living like anyone else is, in fulfilling my duties and responsibilities. What differentiates me from the rest of the crowd is I choose how I feel… I control my mind… my mind listens to me… I am the undisputed boss here. Freedom of the mind – that is freedom!

I labored for this freedom. This change did not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but came through a continuous struggle. In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved. I am brave, and therefore I am free. Freedom lies in being bold. Anyone can be free the moment he/she wishes to. Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better. And hell yes, I have bettered myself with every liberal step I took forward…

I have embarked on many a journey alone; liberating! I devour on the experience of being alone. If you do not enjoy solitude you will not love freedom. Freedom is what one can experience when one has settled with that inner voice, the inner clutter. Then, even in being alone there is no insecurity or fear; there is freedom in every step alone; and that is where I belong; that is when you experience being one with the universe; that is when you experience the WOW!

no more full stops...

There are no full stops anymore, period!
Only intervals where I pause, I breathe, I seek….
No destination only the journey…
Only a road, which I know not where it leads to or where it wants to take me…
I just cannot settle, or settle down - at any place, with any thought, into any purpose or belong to anybody…
I keep moving….
I stumble, I fumble, I fall, I rise, I bruise, I heal, I laugh, I cry, I love, I live, I learn
But, I just keep moving…..
That defines who I am, that is me…..
The only way I know I can be…

I am always on the move……

Love without intention...

Just a few hours before I set out for my interview in Bombay, I had reconciled to not getting my visa, somehow it seemed ok not to go to Paris, it was, I guess preparedness for the reject. When I got my visa I wasn’t too excited. Obviously the money part was one major factor. I am forced to recollect a similar occasion of going to the US to visit Gautam and the visa reject which at that time I saw as the reason to rebuild the badly failing relationship… there was too much that I did not understand then, there was too much that I wouldn’t allow myself to ask and I was excited in that web of connections and concealment. Over these years I have grown to experience love differently in a very detached fashion. Wherein my love can be all just within myself. In this, there still is a morbid belief in love and a fascination for the madness that love puts in its victims. Over the years I graduated from the continuous chatter and exchange to a kind of closeness that didn’t need conversation or words to sustain itself; with no more than a look into his eyes or an unusual expression, the way without words allows me to explore more of him and of myself with no limitations or traps brought about by words..

Today as I sit here, I feel contentment, I feel belief, I feel the warmth, without any commitment in real terms, without bondage to share the future, without a care for the norms of the society - the love which is so independent of all norms… I know I love him and he loves me and there can be no stronger love than in letting go and to wish so much happiness to this beautiful man in my life… a happiness of letting him be himself.. It’s not easy, for me. But I am learning how beautiful a feeling it is to let someone we love free. Reminds me of this song, if you really loved someone let it free, it is indeed powerful..

The last two days have been days of meaninglessness and finding myself in him; the look in his eyes, the warmth of his touch and the hugs - all of them tell me what it is and how beautiful it is to be there receiving and to be blessed to give it back or reciprocate.. Reciprocation is so vital here and the joy I realize is in this - when a expression is acknowledged and reciprocated in a manner that it conveys the intention…

Taking the lonely road…

Every time I travel the spirit of freedom is soaring. A feeling of total abandonment and free will. No questions asked, no answers to give. Alone on a lonely road but not lonely. These break free trips and nature trails have always brought me back to life. It is a feeling of being one among so many and the littleness of the ‘self’ that is so humbling. This realization of my little self is what keeps me going. The reality that life is just a flicker and it is up to me to make it the way I want to. As much as it is liberating, the feeling is empowering as well. I want to wander away into the vastness of nature and find my self, want to lose myself, because in this losing is my finding. Or is there a finding at all? Finding myself for me is not an end, it is a constant journey. In the inevitability of living it’s easy and comfortable to get stuck and sucked into the everyday mindless routine. This ordered living can be so overpowering that people can lose the ability to think beyond food, house, children, money and a living. Living versus existing. Working for a living but barely existing!

the SELF....

That there is a correspondence between a person's spiritual nature and its manifestation in his deportment is a law of nature. The level of one's spiritual evolution can be gauged from how one responds to nature. One can observe that the inspiration one gets from nature is proportional to one's spiritual level.

The spiritually inclined are moved by nature and derive inspiration from which the layman will dismiss as ordinary and will require miracles to prove to him of the existence of a subtler spiritual realm.

It's necessary to question why we need tangible evidence for a supreme principle behind all the phenomena we see. Can't one see this in the functioning of one's own body, over which one does not have any control? isn't awareness of this not enough to become truly spiritual?

It's true and unfortunate that an average person has stopped thinking and just follows the crowd and thereby acts mechanically. Beyond the human personality comprising body, mind and the intellect is the essential 'I', the SELF. The sense of 'I' is there right from childhood to old age but the real 'I' is missed because one does not pause to think and question. It is essential therefore to ask, "Who am I?" This will lead one beyond body, mind and the intellect which is constantly changing, to the 'I' which is constant, the SELF within.

selfless love.....

Love for our own children, I think is the most selfless. OR is it due to the helplessness that is so innate to such a biological relationship? The fact that they are totally dependent on us and the fact that their existence is to a large extent determined by us.. is it the submission that we love or the power one experiences out of being wanted? Or is it the deep insecurity that makes us want to love..... whom do we actually love... ourselves or our own children?...

So, how selfless?

photography and me....

Photography, for me is a way of asking questions, not just showing facts. It's a form of social criticism, not just a record of urban experience, but a way to change them. I see this form of art as a social healing that creates awareness and is aware of what it means in the larger society.....