Man! What a WOMAN!

The chasms created by men are so deep that it has perpetually thrown women into confusion; so much so that it comes as a hurdle in identifying their own selves. This seems to have happened to even successful women.

No passionate rhetoric, NO feminist agenda; just a thought, this morning over my tea with myself.

How this, has a bearing on how women think. While women struggled to gain a foothold and don the male roles, not because they wanted it, but because situations claimed so, men have wore the façade of respectability and cheated women’s trust. Is it, or, was it easy to make inroads into a man’s world? Heck no! Ask me. I am still someone’s daughter, or someone’s ex-wife, rarely my own…

You can blame it all on us… sure you should, because we let it be. But, now, its time for change. Not to defy the role a man plays in a woman’s world, but to establish her place in a man’s world. In becoming a significant partner in a fair world of equal men and women. In getting the respect and a place she deserves. In thought, in action and in spirit.

Mind you, and I repeat – I appreciate the nature of a man-woman relationship; of inter-dependence; a beautiful synergy – the way nature intended it to be. Each one has a role to play, no less no more…

As long as women will not liberate themselves from the self-imposed clutches, which are a manifestation of the uneventful surrender into the abyss of (perceived) male domination, they will never tread the path of glory – of complete emancipation… and that’s when you will hear –

Man! What a WOMAN!

Purpose in purposelessness.....

It’s just that in this purpose of my wandering and getting lost I lose my purposelessness…

My friends call me a wanderlust, biker, gypsy… I’m all and none. In my nomadic ways and being on the road I find my ground, always – humility and gratitude; I feel so insignificant in comparison to the vastness of the universe, yet, significant enough to touch a chord somewhere. Which is what I do when I am not wandering; touching lives significantly; helping people find their anchor and freedom in their own little ways..
The more I wander, the more I come back, to my inner truth…

The day is not far when my worldly belongings will just become a bag of clothes and a few books and walking shoes… just a bag! Got nowhere to belong to, but myself… Swayyam, yes, will be a place which is my creation but not mine… where I am one among the many, but no ONE..

We all have our moments of emptiness and void, at least I do…. And these are the moments of going within I find, that, for me, freedom is the only way to be – A free spirit, like I was born… I experience this in moments of my rides with the wind on my face and the carefree abandonment…

Freedom does not mean lack of responsibility – on the contrary more freedom is more responsibility….and I LOVE IT!

Maya! the illusion..

Lost is how I am feeling …

There cannot be any reason ever for me to feel complete. I have to just ‘be’, period! When there arises a need for me to find a reason or a purpose to my being, when my mortal self is in search of a ‘cling’ – I am incomplete within. Swayyam therefore cannot and will not become a cling that I will own, but it will just be, because it’s meant to be that way. And Swayyam will ‘be’ when it is not mine and is everyone’s to be…Swayyam - by oneself… the home for the elderly…

And, again, the need to look good, or attractive is the need for acceptance and approval from the outside, which stems from a deeper need for security within, which again is the bottom-line of not being. The inside of me does not approve neither accepts me the way I am, and, therefore there arises a need to get it from outside, - approval, which is a big illusion anyways!

The balance is to attain a state of being and not doing. And ironically this being will only come about by doing. To build that security deep within myself, is to build a deep love for myself; unconditional love. My body or my outer appearances do not have a place in such kind loving. It is to love my soul, as it is and my soul has no form, its just there. This calls for a brutal elimination of what the society calls ‘acceptable’ - with no benchmarks and no references to adhere to. In this elimination is receiving and in such unadulterated receiving is unconditional giving and thus ‘being’ …..

Right now I am feeling lost, lost with all this chaos and drama of being within and within and without the world I live in. The constant tug of war with and in what the enlightened call ’ Maya’ – Illusion!

The fear of death cannot prevent you from dying. It can only prevent you from living....

The primordial fear is the fear of not existing, fear of being extinguished, the fear of collapsing out of existence, fear of oblivion, of death.

You actually are afraid of losing this fear of death (no contradiction here!)
because you think the fear is what enables you to live, or at least, postpone death.(partly true, of course)

This fear cannot be countered with courage, because courage is merely the counter point to fear.
Courage can only exist where fear exists.

If you can lose this fear and can yet continue with life, you will merge seamlessly with the cosmos, for the cosmos has no fear of extinction.

The fear of death cannot prevent you from dying. It can only prevent you from living.

are you willing to create YOUR victory?

In the past, my life was so much consumed by his, in fact he never bothered to ask if I had a destiny of my own to follow. Writing was one of the things that saved me: the discipline and abstraction of putting my life into words, everyday, helped me to cope with shame and despair… The smoulders of shame and guilt flamed into anger became fist tightening rage at the unfairness of it all… I pushed through alone through the slap and the sting of every day and every night. And while not completely free, never completely free, there was hope and a fearful excitement in the new…. My heart was clean and hungry for promises …A life of freedom – a universe of possibilities was calling me… till, that day - when I chose to put this past behind me – that step – that angry little victory – freedom, finally…and chose to author my own destiny. The plodding, indefatigable and distant past crashed intact through barriers of time into its own future… I created my TODAY! And my TOMORROW!

Frustrations of the lost generation - where did we go wrong?

Frustrations of the lost generation - where did we go wrong?

The story of today’s generation Y has many undertones…

Unclear about its directions, rather comfortable with it…

Weak but big-hearted, constantly attempts, rather hoping to fix his life…

Has an acute understanding of human condition but is a victim of circumstances…
Dares to defy but fears to love…

Caught in a twilight zone between orthodoxy and modernity…
Until we start actively searching for middle ground, harmony is going to remain elusive..

Its not the weight of our fears that keeps our ideas from taking wings and soaring in the sky, its concrete reality hitting us like a wall..

Is debauchery a matter of certain pride in the affluent layers of the Indian society? Ever noticed this phenomenon?

Drug abuse is a serious matter, something that is probably ignored…

The new technological era with its own sets of concerns and values..

Over ambitious and ever enthusiastic parents whose tribe is, unfortunately on the increase….
The don’ts outnumber the do’s…
In the name of safeguarding the future, children are forced to forsake their present...
The other side of the coin – can we relate to our parents as individuals without deifying or vilifying them?
The parent child challenge – a long road has been traversed, littered with unresolved issues and unfulfilled expectations.
Can we accept our parents as perfectly imperfect people who did their best they could within their limitations?

Love, compassion and sharing seem to have no place in the world of vulgar competition.


Where did we go wrong?

To just be.....

When I am losing myself and when I am finding myself, I have always been clueless…

In this finding and losing I live my life and, this process of finding and losing is my journey – my life. Am I searching for a destination to land on? Am I looking at some grand finale, where finally I would have arrived and there is nothing more to seek? I guess NO!

The journey is what appeals to me, wherein I find my calling, a purpose, a meaning in every moment I am walking that path where I know has no end, has nothing to call a finish line, has no name..

In this journey I encounter several challenges – my body that masks my inner being; that body which interfaces with the external world; that body which is supposed to be in a certain way, respond in ways which the society approves.. And, one of the many such approvals which was ingrained in my upbringing was how I respond to my basic instincts - hunger, sleep and sex… (although I prefer to call it making love…)

The common expectation I had of myself was to give myself away to someone who touches my heart… I had no rules to play with, throw all caution to the wind and I was deep in it, basking in the glory of the joy such surrender brings in…..

I have bruised, hurt and fallen in my own eyes in such being, when the bond became a noose of expectations and basic human insecurities. I dwell in the moments of passion and abandonment with fondness. Nevertheless, the aftermath of such a powerful experiences of love and surrender has left me numb in areas of my living I never realized.

That is where you will find me insensitive and all by myself, comfortably numb. I don’t really need anyone right now in my life.. I don’t need anyone to take care of me, to watch me over when I am ill or hold me in his or her arms when I am tired… I am all by myself… and comfortable with that feeling…..

We are all riding on our insecurities… at the end of it we all are just alone…ALONE! There is no one, there is nothing, nothing at all…..

I am all by myself; everything else is a cover up…our craving for relationships are a deeper reflection of the insecurities of life and the fear of the uncertainty.

Even the so-called causes that we dedicate our lives for, is nothing but a need that has arisen out of our insecurities. We all need something to cling on to, lovers cling on to each other, parents to their children, men cling on to power and career, women to constant approval on how they look… many others cling on to social causes - a better form of clinging, a deeper insecurity because these people know the fragility of human clinging.. so they cling on to causes, a more socially edified approved and respected form of clinging..… I am no different…

The day I feel I don’t have/want to do anything.. and just be is when I think I have arrived…